


In the Darkness

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, During Canon, First Time, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-22
Updated: 2007-08-22
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:21:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8702896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Sam is in denial, but not for long as Dean decides it is time to face the truth. Angst and shame lead to something way more deep...and hot.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** My first fanfic ever. Also the very first time I post something in here so I'm kinda lost here.... maybe I forgot to put down something important? Oh, and I don't own anything except that twisted imagination of mine. Feedback is love, what was good, what was bad? Make me better.

Sam closed his eyes and exhaled deep and slow.

Another hunt was over, and though some of them could’ve been almost described as ‘easy’, this one had been particulary hard.

Sam was exhausted.

 

The demon they had been hunting had an ability to turn people against each other, and though Sam would’ve eagerly wanted to forget, he just couldn’t… All those things he and Dean had yelled to each other… All the anger, accusations, hate…

 

Sam wanted to believe that it had all been just a mindgame the demon had played with them, but still, part of him couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t just the demon screwing up with their heads… There was more to it, and it scared him.

On the road for over a year now, with practically no other company but his brothers and his own. No wonder if there were some supressed feelings, things left unsaid, things they should’ve talked about ages ago instead of this constant arguing going on with the brothers day after day.

And hell, now Dean was gone.

 

As soon as they’d came back from the hunt (well at least they exorcised the demon), Dean had just took a quick shower and left, propably into some random bar of this random town. After all this time they all looked the same to Sam.

And now Sam was alone. Alone with his confusion, insecurity and guilt. Dean hadn’t even talked to him as he left, not one single word. And that was breaking Sam’s heart. 

 

Sam laid down on his back on the cheap motel bed and started staring to the ceiling, memories of what happened before filling his mind…

 

 

“You don’t care about me, you only drag me along with you ‘cause you’re so damn scared of being alone, and since you are incapable of developing a real relationship with anyone, you just settle with me”, Sam yelled, “’cause I’m your little brother, so it’s my responsibility to put up with all this shit you dump on me, and God help me if I ever complain, since I’m not a person to you, I’m just a fun little toy you can toss aside when you get bored. Or find a nicer one!”

 

Dean’s eyes; dark, furious, but he only answered with an icy silence.

 

“You don’t care about me”, Sam said again, eyes full of despise and dissapointment, “You’re just using me.”

 

And then Sam walked away, and he was so mad he had laid his guard down, and that almost cost him his life. The demon attacked him from behind and pushed him down on the ground so hard he felt all the air pushing out of his lungs.

But in a blink of an eye Dean was there, sending the evil sonofabitch back to hell where it belonged.

 

Sam’s anger vanished on the moment the demon was gone. He had just realized that Dean had saved his life, but when he turned around to thank his brother, Dean only gave him an empty look and turned around.

It was now Dean’s turn to walk away.

 

 

Silent voice woke Sam up.

It was pitch dark, he couldn’t see anything. His whole body tensed as he opened his eyes and lifted his head, enough to take a look around the room, but careful enough so the intruder wouldn’t realize he was awake. It was a lost cause anyway, since he couldn’t even see the outlines of the furniture in the room. 

Sam quietly slid on the edge of the bed and reached out for his gun wich was on the night-table next to bed. And although he was sure he didn’t even make a sound, the intruder took Sam by surprise, grabbed him by the shoulders, pushed him down to the bed, caught his hands above his head and squeezed his wrist until he couldn’t keep his hold of the gun.

 

The intruder bent over Sam’s face, and though Sam couldn’t see anything, he already knew who the other man in the room with him was. Especially when he heard a husky whisper right by his left ear.

 

“Whoa, tiger. You actually thought of shooting me? That’s not very nice, Sammy.”

 

“Dean”, Sam gasped, “Let go of me.”

 

“And what if I don’t?”

 

It was pitch dark but in his mind Sam could see this arrogant grin of his brother’s that had almost become his trademark.

Sam sighed deeply.

 

“Then I guess I’ll have to hurt you.”

 

“Take your best shot”, Dean smirked, “But I don’t think it’s gonna do you any good. So, wanna find out who’s hurting who?”

 

Sam didn’t answer, instead he took advantage of the element of surprise, pulled his wrists free, flipped Dean over and locked him down, Sam now lying on top of Dean.

 

“Well, well”, Sam said, ”Looks like the roles have turned once again.”

 

“Don’t be so sure about that”, Dean murmured and started to struggle his way free, wich wasn’t easy, since his little brother was taller than him and somewhat pissed off as well. After a while they stopped, both gasping for air.

 

“Okay”, Sam panted, ”I just have to ask you something. Is this supposed to be you’re way of telling that you’re not angry with me anymore?”

 

“No”, Dean answered, “I just thought it would be a perfect time for a payback.”

 

Sam sounded bored: “And what kind of payback exactly did you have on your mind?”

 

“Oh”, Dean whispered dangerously, “You don’t really wanna know.”

 

In a blink of an eye Sam found himself again being the one lying under his big brother. This time Dean pushed him down so hard he knew he wouldn’t get free easily.

In the darkness Sam heard a clicking noise. Like… a belt buckle?

 

“What was that?”

 

Only answer Sam got was a leather belt wrapped around his wrists. Dean tied him tightly to the headboard of the bed, so tight that Sam couldn’t even try to move his arms.

 

“Dean”, Sam raised his voice, “What are you doing? Let me go!”

 

Silence.

 

“Dean? This ain’t funny anymore.”

 

More silence.

 

“Dean!!”

 

Then he felt a warm breath on his ear and Dean whispering:

“You know, it’s a good thing you didn’t sleep with your shirt on. Would’ve been hard to take it off now that you’re tied up and everything.”

 

Sam felt cold shivers running down his spine.

“What… Dean, are you drunk?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then what the hell is wrong with you??”

 

Dean chuckled.

“Nothing. Life’s peachy.”

 

“Just what are you doing”, Sam sighed, more than a little annoyed already, “Why am I tied up here and what the hell is going on in that twisted mind of yours?”

 

Dean thought for a while.

“Yeah, suppose twisted is the right word. And like I said, Sammy, you don’t really wanna know.”

 

“Yes I do!”

 

“Fine”, Dean decided, voice now low and dark, “I’m gonna show you just how much I care about you. Or don’t care, it’s up to you how you wanna take it.”

 

Sam was confused.

“You don’t make any sense.”

 

“You’ll see.”

 

All the sudden Dean’s hands slid down to Sam’s jeans and unbuttoned them.

 

“Dean! What the hell are you doing!?”, Sam yelled, slight panic now rising inside him.

 

“I am gonna strip you naked”, Dean answered with a tone that sounded like he really didn’t care, “And then… well, I’ll just make it up as I go along.”

 

Sam’s zipper went down. Dean tried to pull his jeans off but it seemed to be a harder job since his little brother was like glued to the mattress.

 

“Lift your hips.”

“No.”

“Lift. Your. Hips. Now.”

 

Sam swallowed and obeyed. He had never heard his brother sound like that. Dominating, almost violent. At least not to Sam.

Dean pulled down his jeans and boxers at the same time, threwing them on the floor, leaving his baby brother naked under his eyes.

 

“You know what people say”, Dean said quietly, “When you can’t see, your other senses grow much more intense. Let’s find out if it’s true.”

 

Then he pinched Sam’s nipple, hard. Sam let out a muffled cry.

 

“Oh”, Dean acted surprised, “Did that hurt? Guess it’s true then. I have to be more gentle from now on. And oh, I should warn you. They also say that at the first time it hurts.”

 

Sam froze.

“What hurts?”

 

“Think, Sam.”

 

Sam started panicking for real.

“Oh my God, Dean, just let me go, please! Please let me go! Just don’t…”

 

“Don’t what?” Dean asked. Sam didn’t answer.

 

“Sam”, Dean said, now with a warmer tone, “I’m not gonna rape you.”

 

“Sweet Jesus”, Sam gasped, “Rape me?!”

 

“No. Not until you beg me to. And technically, in that case it can’t be considered as a rape anymore.”

 

And that was the moment Sam decided that either he was dreaming, hallucinating or finally lost his marbles. That gave him a little comfort so he calmed down a bit.

“And what makes you think I would beg anything from you?”

 

“Hmm…”, Sam heard from the dark, “Let’s see. One, do you really think I haven’t noticed the way you look at me when you think I’m not watching? And two, don’t you think it’s about time we let all our suppressed emotions out at last?”

 

“That last sentence was way too deep from you, Dean. Now you’re really starting to scare me.”

 

“Shut up”, Dean growled, and even if Sam would’ve wanted to say something, Dean made it pretty impossible by pressing his lips hard against his little brother’s. Sam froze again. It was like an electrical shock running through his whole body.

Dean pulled away, breathing heavily. Then he slid his hand behind Sam’s neck and bent down for another kiss, this time softer and deeper.

Sam couldn’t help himself, he had this burning, aching feeling crawling down his body, starting from his lips and moving lower, to his neck, chest, stomach, and even lower, to his---

“Oh my God”, Sam breathed against Deans mouth and finally gave in. Their tongues tangled together and the soft kiss turned harder, almost violent, and Sam could feel his cock hardening, more and more by every move Dean’s tongue made in his mouth. And Dean’s hands…wandering on his skin, teasing, promising…

A desperate whine escaped Sam’s lips. His abdomen was on fire, his cock nearly exploding…

And then Dean stopped, pulled away and there was only silence and darkness.

 

“Dean”, Sam managed to whisper though his voice was thick and it was hard to get the words out, “Dean?”

 

“Payback, little brother”, Sam heard from the dark, “You really think I don’t care about you? Are you that stupid? And you also said that I’m only using you. Hell, right now I think I’d even be on the mood to really do it.”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Use you. In all possible ways… but mostly physical.”

 

Sam swallowed, hard this time.

 

“Dean, come here”, Sam asked, “Please.”

 

“Oh”, Sam could hear from Dean’s voice that he had lifted his eyebrows, “What’s this? My baby brother pleading? For what?”

 

“Come here.”

“Why?”

 

Sam closed his eyes.

“I want you to kiss me again”, he whispered, not believing those words actually coming out of his mouth. 

 

“What? Sorry, I couldn’t quite hear you. Come again?” Sam should’ve known nothing was ever easy with Dean.

 

“Dean”, Sam pleaded, “Please, just… just… you can’t leave me like this, not after what… Oh my God…”

 

Dean had bent down and taken Sam’s rock-hard member in his hand. He held it tenderly, not even moving his hand, but Sam still felt like he could cum any minute.

 

“you really think I didn’t know, Sammy?”, Dean asked softly. He paused for a moment and moved his hands on Sam’s thighs, slowly petting them. “You want me.”

 

Sam felt tears crowding behind his eyes and couldn’t say a word.

 

“Yes, Sam”, this is payback for all those times you didn’t say anything, just kept bitching like you always do. I told you over and over again that you should get laid, that you were way too tense. And since you’re not gonna do anything about it, I’ll make it sure myself that from now on you will get your tension out.”

 

Single tear fell down Sam’s face but he still kept quiet. He didn’t want Dean to know that he was about to burst in tears, that right now it felt like his whole life was falling apart. Dean had discovered his secret, his dirty little secret. Hell, he most likely had knew all along. Knew, why Sam didn’t want to get laid. Or that he did, but not just with anyone. That no-one else mattered except Dean. His big brother.

On that moment Sam was glad it was dark so that Dean couldn’t see the blush of shame spreading on his cheeks and down his neck.

 

“I’m so fucked up”, he whispered with a lump on his throat, “I’m sick.”

 

“Well”, Dean said, “We live a sick, fucked up life in a sick, fucked up world, so I would be quite amazed if either one of us grew up to be just normal.”

 

When Sam didn’t answer, Dean continued:

“Come on, Sam, cheer up, you’re not alone in this. You’re not the only one who has needs, desires…”

 

“But it’s wrong!” Sam protested, “You are my brother and doing… you know, anything, would be so wrong!”

 

Dean sighed and laid next to Sam’s naked body.

“Does this feel wrong?” he asked and started kissing Sam’s neck. “Or this?” he continued moving lower, tenderly kissing and licking Sam’s nipples and bare chest, “Or this?” he laid his hand down on Sam’s member, still hard even Sam had tried with all his will-power to get it down.

 

“Does it?” Dean asked. Sam let his tears run down.

 

“No”, he whispered, “and that’s what scares me.”

 

“Don’t be sca…” Suddenly Dean stopped. “Sammy, are you crying?”

 

“Please, let me go”, Sam wept quietly, “Just open the belt and let me go…”

 

“I’m sorry”, Dean said with a low, apologizing voice, “I’m so sorry…”

 

Dean untied Sam, and the moment Sam was free he was all over his brother.

“You asshole!” he yelled, “Why are you making me feel this way?!”

Dean held his brother close and still.

 

“I want to hate you”, Sam cried and grabbed Dean like he was drowning and Dean was the only thing keeping him above the surface.

 

“Then go ahead”, Dean whispered, “Hate me, for I am not gonna apologize for my feelings for you, and I am not sorry about what I’m gonna do next.”

 

“And what’s that?” Sam sneezed. 

 

Dean’s hot breath caressed Sam’s ear.

 

“I’m gonna fuck you.”

 

 

They laid next to each other on the bed, Sam naked against Dean who was still fully clothed. How strange it felt… Sam could feel every little detail of Dean’s clothing, the soft cotton of his shirt, rougher of the denim… like he had never felt before.

Dean was right, in the complete darkness his other senses grew so high even the still air felt like a caress on his skin.

He could’ve swear he even heard Dean’s heartbeat.

Moments passed. Finally Sam broke the silence.

 

“Take your clothes off”, he said and started to peel off Dean’s shirt, sliding his fingers to the bare skin that was revealed underneath. Dean pulled the shirt over his head and opened both button and zipper of his jeans. Sam helped him to get rid of them and his boxers as well. Then Sam laid down again and pulled Dean close, so close that they were face to face, chest to chest, skin to skin. 

 

In the dark they listened to each other breathing, and even they didn’t even move or touch each other, other than where their bodies embraced, they both could feel the tension rising, slow breathing becoming harder, faster…

 

“We’re going to hell for this”, Sam whispered and his warm breath felt like heaven on Dean’s skin.

 

“Probably”, Dean answered, “but there would be nothing worth doing in the upstairs anyway, huh?”

 

“Guess not”, Sam smiled and shivered when Dean laid his hand on his back, pulling him even closer so that he could now feel something getting harder on the downstairs of his brother, and that instantly aroused him, causing the same effect on himself.

 

They started touching each other, tension rising still and they both knew it would lead to an explosion. Like it did.

Dean grabbed Sam from the neck and pulled him down to a wild, passionate kiss, and for a moment there were only lips, tongues and teeth and a desperate need for more, more, more…

Hands grabbing bare flesh, hips pushed together, both of them feeling like if they would get any more aroused, they would die of it.

 

Sam pulled Dean up so that they were both on their knees and took Dean’s face between his hands. Dean did the same for Sam and they panted onto each others mouths. They kissed again and this time it was pure tongue-fucking. 

Dean growled as Sam grabbed his cock and started to slide his hand up and down the hard shaft. Sam let out a loud moan when Dean returned the favor with his hot, sweaty hands. 

 

“Oh… God… oh, fuck”, Sam moaned out loud, “I can’t take this anymore. Dean, please…”

 

Dean pushed him down to the bed and laid on top of him, starting to kiss and bite Sam’s neck, then shoulders, chest and nipples. Sam was panting erratically, he couldn’t speak, not think, not move, just… feel. And he felt it all; teeth, tongue, sweaty skin against his own, Dean’s cock pressed against his own –and then the words just got out:

 

“Fuck me, Dean.”

 

Dean stopped.

“It’s gonna hurt”, he mumbled against Sam’s stomach, “A lot.”

 

“I don’t care”, Sam almost cried out of frustration of his unfulfilled needs, “I really don’t care, I need you to fuck me right now or I swear I’m gonna die!”

 

Sam could sense a sudden change in Dean. He was now more calm and gentle than before, almost tender.

“Ok. Lift your hips.”

 

Sam did that and Dean slipped a pillow under his hips, then spread his legs and kneeled between them.

 

“Try to relax”, he whispered, “It’ll be easier if you relax your muscles.” 

 

Sam heard Dean taking something beside the bed and then he felt something cool and moist on his abdomen.

 

“Massage oil”, Dean whispered as he started to spread the oil on Sam’s abdomen and thighs, massaging them until he could feel Sam relaxing his muscles. Then he took some more oil and started spreading it to Sam’s ass. He pressed the tender flesh around Sam’s entrance, and Sam tensed for a while but relaxed eventually.

Before Sam could react Dean pushed his finger inside Sam, holding him down with his other hand. Sam whimpered.

 

“Shh…”, Dean whispered, “Relax…”

He moved his finger a bit, then pulled it out. He added more lube and pushed two fingers inside Sam who froze completely still.

 

“I know, I know…” Dean whispered soothingly, “Calm down. Breathe…”

 

He started moving his fingers, scissoring then a little to get Sam open and ready …Well, as ready as he could be in this situation. 

 

“See”, Dean smiled when Sam started to adjust to his fingers, “Much easier when you relax.”

“Mmmh…”

“Okay”, Dean said and pulled his fingers out, caressing Sam’s thighs on the way. “Ready?”

 

“Yeah”, Sam whispered, “I’m ready.”

 

“You know, Sam, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, I mean, we can-“

 

“Shut up already and do it!” Sam groaned.

 

Okay, Dean thought, that was a clear answer. He took the lube and put a lot of it in his hands. He coated his swollen cock with it and placed the tip of it on Sam’s entrance with his hand. With his other hand he started jerking Sam’s cock, strong and slow. Sam moaned out of pleasure and Dean decided now was the time Sam would be ready enough. He started pushing himself in and Sam squirmed rapidly. Dean held his hips still and pushed all the way in, nailing Sam down.

 

“Oh sweet Mary the mother of…” Dean panted, “God, Sam, you’re so tight.”

 

“Move”, Sam whispered hoarsely, “Fuck me.”

 

Dean started moving with slow, deep thrusts, trying to be as gentle as he could for his baby brother as his ass was assaulted for the first time in his life. The word virgin popped into his mind and he bit his lip but couldn’t help thrusting in a little harder. That only made Sam cry out of pleasure louder and Dean swore he saw stars dancing in the dark.

 

“Fuck me”, Sam cried, “Fuck me harder.”

 

And Dean couldn’t help himself, he was sure he hurt Sam but he still couldn’t help it. He grabbed his brother’s hips and started thrusting deep, hard, speeding his movement all the time. Sounds of flesh hitting flesh filled the room along with Dean’s groaning and Sam’s whimpering and fast panting.

Then Dean hit Sam’s prostate and Sam screamed, he really screamed out loud.

 

“Dean, there”, he panted, “Do that again.”

 

And Dean kept pushing harder inside Sam, hitting that sweet spot with every thrust, rolling his hips and it felt so fucking good he wanted to cry.

 

“From behind”, he heard Sam panting, “Now, Dean, take me from behind.”

 

He didn’t need to be told twice. He pulled out and roughly turned Sam around, and without wasting any time pushed himself inside his little brother again, hard and deep. He collapsed on top of Sam and grabbed his hips, pushing inside him like in peril, panting, biting Sam’s neck so hard he was sure he left bruises on his little brother’s tender skin.

 

Sam couldn’t breathe, his cock was so hard it hurt, and Dean’s cock was buried deep inside him, abusing him the most sweetest way, digging in and letting loose emotions he never could’ve imagined to be true.

 

All the sudden Dean pulled out again but before Sam could protest, Dean pulled him up and pushed him on his knees against the wall. Then Dean thrust in him again, pinning him tightly against the wall, his other hand wrapped around Sam, finding his aching, leaking cock and jerking it hard, demandingly, leading him closer and closer to the edge.

 

“Sam”, Dean moaned and bit his shoulder, “I can’t hold it much longer…”

 

Pressure on Sam’s balls was reaching the critical level and he knew he was gonna cum any second.

 

“Dean”, he whimpered, “I’m gonna cum, I’m… “

 

Sam screamed as Dean hit his prostate once again, driving him over the edge. His whole body trembled rapidly as he came so hard he saw white. And when Sam’s tight hole squeezed so hard it almost hurt, Dean couldn’t hold himself back, he shot his load inside his little brother, groaning, hips jerking, mind going blank. 

 

Sam felt his knees giving up under him and they both collapsed to the bed, sweaty and out of breath, satisfied to the last molecule of their bodies. 

They held each other close, breathing heavily on each others mouths.

 

“Fuck…”, Dean whispered, “Just… fuck…”

 

And he pressed his lips against Sam’s and they kissed passionately.

After a while Dean heard Sam’s voice:

 

“We are definitely going to hell for this…”

 

Dean smiled as Sam’s voice continued:

 

“And it was totally friggin’ worth it.”

 

He held his brother close, kissing his forehead gently and listening to the rhythm of his breathing, and they fell asleep in the darkness, both smiling, and knowing, that whatever would come along the way, they would make it, because they had each other.

And that was all they needed to know.


End file.
